Friday, January 23, 2009!
HandWritten on; 1:18 AM
second post in a row ok hahah since i probably wont get another chance to blog anytime soon, my brother's frigging hogging the com.
its so irritating to always want something which you dont have, i was thinking at work that whyyyyy am i spending my long break like this its like its not all the time you get a few months break like that! and this kind of long break is probably a once-in-a-lifetime kinda thing until you are so old and retire or sth haha so WHY AM I WORKING? i shld be like enjoying my youth or sth (oh as we're on the topic i cant believe im going to be NINETEEN THIS YEAR) and yeah. but on the other hand, i need MONEY. or else how am i going to enjoy life. and to be more far-sighted, i probably need the money for my expenses in future, i know i spend alot. and if i dont work, there'll be the naggy feeling that everyone's working hard for money while im wasting my life away. so how do you actually define wasting your life?? i have very different definitions for that at different times. sometimes wasting my life= working and feeling sian waiting for time to pass BUT sometimes wasting my life= spending money and doing nothing constructive i might as well be working. yeah. im a very contradictory person. haha. sigh.
and now i get an admin job i look at my tuition and feel sian i think it sucks to teach hahah i hate repeating and repeating myself and trying to capture a student's attention argh but the problem is i used to think i'll like teaching. then i think admin is better cause dont really need to communicate i mean you dont have to force someone to understand anything it more of depends on yourself. then i think admin is boring. then i feel like being a relief teacher. then i look back and remind myself how i dread tuition and explaining stuff to kids. then i think relief teaching might be different cause its a whole class of kids and time will probably pass very fast. and kids are very cute, right?
my everyday life is caught up in some dilemmas im always thinking abt this then contradicting myself over and over again. i think when my contract with Aviva (where im working now) expires, i'll take like one/two weeks off to "enjoy life"- which is what i want when im working. then probably do some other job lol (relief teaching?) to gain more experiences. but when im at that i'll probably keep worrying over whether they'll want me, how to find a job, the pay and all that. aiya. sigh.
hahahhahaah im super paranoid right. hahahahah for now (omg 1.31am already), SLEEP, back to hwachong tmr (:
